| | Subject: | quote | | Time: | 12:20 am |
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| "tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow/
creeps in this petty pace from day to say/
to the last syllable of recorded;/
and all our yesterdays have lighted fools/
the way to dusty death. out, out brief candle./
life’s but a walking shadow; a poor player,/
that struts abd frets his hour upon the stage,/
and then is heard no more; it is a tale/
told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,/
signifying nothing." | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | so to keep with the phillip updates he no longer wants anything to do with me. yes that one did hurt. to you that i am so afull(sp?) that some one would make a new years resoussion never to see me again. im at the mpower place right now and feelin like shit. im so unloved it kills me inside. i want some one to share my life with. and yet no one seems to want that role. im i that horrible. now dani wont even talk to me. i miss her and now all i can think is that she is phils friend and not mine. so i guess he won. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| eggshells cut the souls of my feet,
as i try so hard to appease you.
yet all do is loose more of myself.
and still i walk on...
im myself around every one but you,
with you i wear my required mask.
and still you make me the whore.
so i ask, can i be me and keep you? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | so phillup and i are just friends now. i found out last night that while we were dating he was dating some one else. i know i should be suprise since he did the same thing to greg. now im dating this guy Ben, he is really cool. we went to gay day at disneyland and had a blast. we ae at the Blue by you which rocked. school is going good, i guess. i really like being in the proud club there.later days | | comments: Leave a comment |
| dear phillip,
you wanted to be friend so i said sure. you wanted to be more so i let you kiss me. you wanted to stay with greg, so i let you. then when i kiss a guy drunk at a party im the whore. you are fucking dating another guy. how is that fare when we arent even bfs. plus we hang out tonight so i ask you if we are bf or just friends tonight and you say friends. then you get mad that i asked you that. well i dont know what the fuck we are. so good bye phillip im done. there were some good times and a hell of a lot of bad. later days and fuck you
-ryan | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | to quote "something corporate" i kissed a girl drunk yes i did. kissed a drunk a girl on the lips. so im drink right now and have maked out with four people tonight. and now ever one is kinda mad at me and thats ok but phill is all like im just a hand job to you. and im like what the fuck your the one who said that you were just seeing me tell something better came alone. and then there was this str8 guy adam who is kinda cute. well i adam and i where freik dancing and making out and stuff which i guess make phill jelious. so then i just wanted to get a way so i went to the room adam was sleeping and just got into bed with him. we just talked and it felt so good to have a guy to just talk to. so every one at the party had to come in every five mins to see if we were doing anything. we kinda kissed. but for the most part it was just to men finding convert in one another. thats all it was and for the first time i think i could have fallen asleep in some ones arms. he did want anythign from me and i did want anything from him. i just wish the other people would have understuod that. i guess he left like bite and scratch marks on my back wich was ok in a way. i wish it wasnt so hard. i hope phill doesnt remember much. later days ryan | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | so i moved back and already the drama has started. i seeing my exs current bf. which kinda sucks because i really do like the guy but he wants to try and make it work with greg. i think i might be a home recker. this sitch is pretty much like the ed me and jared triangle all over again. only this time i really dont care about the out come im just going to wnjoy having phill as my friend. i was perficly cool being friend but then phill had to kiss me. the kiss wasnt like that those fubbling in the dark kisses that you can laugh about later it was a really kiss. the kind where you but you whole body in to it and hold nothing back. well now after that kiss its like oh lets just be friends. so i gues we are just friends. and i still looking for a place to live. i think i might just try and move in to a studio by myself or something im not sure. im suppost to hang out with phil and duy tonight we will see how that goes. oh by the by duy is the cute little newbie that went to my school. another side note greg(the ex) who i thought to be my friend tells every one he knows that i hit it off with about what a horrible person i am. and how im a bad influance(sp) on people. oh and the art theatre in LB stoped doing hedwig so now we have to go to la to see it which is cool because phill is staying the night. (he is sleeping on the couch sickos). he love hedwig too. we have alot of the same things in common. later days | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| im finaly leaving havasu!!!!!!!!!!!!! but on a angrier note i hate people some times. they just like to fuck with you. this guy that knew me in 8th grade found me and wants to talk all the time so i try and be nice. well he sends me a pic of the kinda cute guy which looks like his other pics. so i say cute. he asks if its cute enough to fuck. i say yes. well he replys with im not like that. so i ask him out. at that he tells me the pics not him and quickly signs off. so i call him and he say he is going to bed and hangs up. what the fuck. i mean damn it to hades but he gets mad at me because i say a pic i thought i that was of him is cute and he gets mad. i hate gay men!!!!!!
ps i was right!!!!!!when i go to the mart they have a code to have sertain people hide. ok may not that extreme, but pretty close!!!
pps John did you ever find mine and saras note. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | first off what the hell does the tittle stand for. second what is the big deal about this movie. dont get me wrong i hate most of the stuff the bush admin stands for. but still after bowling for columbine(sp?), was base on lies and unproven facts, i really dont want to see another one of his movies. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | so i moved right and my room mate desides to tell as im moving my stuff that he isnt leaving this month and i didnt have to move out. could you have said that befored i started moving boxes up and down stairs you bastard. leared a new lesson in all this. do not move a whole bed you down stair in 2 inch creepers. my legs hurt so bad. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | im so fucking mad right now. why is it that people say stuff like "you not on your own" or "i care what happens". then what do they do to you they fucking give you 15 fucking days to find a place to live. 15 days what the fuck is that. so i have to find and move into a place by june 30. then the fucker has the balls to say to me "dont worry it will work out" easy for you to say fucker you got a place to live. plus to make matters worse im really sick. the kind of sick where every thing aches and you just want to lay down and sleep. i have a place to move in to on the 14 of july so i just have to kinda kick it by then. wow june is a bad month for me. exactly a year ago i was in the same fucking place. well at least im getting the fuck out of havasu. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | i am so fucking mad and sad right now. so i met this guy tonight we had a kinda date thingy it was fun. well he was like im going to walk home right now and i was like hey you want to go watch a movie at my place. well the roomie desides that he is going to watch it with us. so its kind weird. so the movie ends and the roomie goes to bed. well we are watch tv and then it gets slow im flirtting and then i touch his face and go in for a kiss nothing major just a kiss and then he polls away. i have never had that happen im freiking out right now. i got shot down!!!!!! have i lost my hotness. im so mad!!!! i give up on relationships. i justr wanted a friekin kiss. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | so a gy that i used to like a lot came in to my work last night. but before i saw him i smelled him. not ina creepy BO way but in a thats his after shave kinda way. it just brought back memories of fun times. and once again i was left to watch from the window. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| here is a quote from that book that i really can relater to.
" i believe in what ever gets you throught the night...night is the hardest time to be alive...and four a.m. knows all my secrets" | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | something corporates me and the mood | | Time: | 03:41 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif) hopeful |
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| | why is it that you havent hear or even though about a person for months and then some one mentions there name and see them every where. i hate that and its happening with a person right now. the worsed part is that i miss that person but for reason to long to list and cant tell tell them i miss them. i just left to watch from the window as they go on. im just happy that they are is happy. how wierd is that ryan of all people find not only a breif happiness but find its though others? am i growning up? | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | mad world, donnie darko sound track | | Subject: | used | | Time: | 01:48 am | | Current Mood: | reflective |
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| | so its been almost a year since i left high school, got kicked and moved. what go i have to show for it lets see. am i any happier...no. do i have any more friends..no. do i have a better future...no. the only fucking thing to change is my zip code and the names of the people who hate me. i just wish i could stop the cycle of my life. it seem that when it comes to people its always me that give and expects nothing in return. like my room mate for one. when he broke up with his life partner and was all woes me, im all alone. i moved in and carried his ass through it. im the one who go him out of bed and back in to the world. guess how he repays me he is now fucking my ex. i told him that it really made it uncoverable for me when he brought him over here and asked if they could go to his place(the ex has his own house). his response to that was to tell me that im just renting a room in this place and to fucking deal with it. now this guy is my friend. and there are others that i have been there for and in return they just used me. and the one night i need some of to be there for me you know who it turned out to be. a fucking cop!!!!!! a complete stranger who just happen to think that i might have dashed and dined at Denny's. no joke he pulls me over and i loss it. and he then buys me a cup of coffee and says it will be ok. oh and i have to drop out of cosmo school because i cant get the grant because of my father. and i think that im going to get gay bashed here pretty soon. the other day on the way to work some guy calls me a fag in a purple truck, mean come on dude you are in a fucking purple truck!!you got nothing on me. and then tonight some guy in a red truck shouted some crap. i really dont care either way what happens. if i do get kill i just hope that people dont do what they always do when some one dies. i swear people die and then its like they were this great person that every one loved and oh my god what a tragety. its ok to hate the died its not like they know you do and even if they do who the fuck cares. well i think its time i stopped writing ive got an arm that needs a good slice or two. hahah just kidding. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
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